So guys, it has been awhile since I wrote on here so I thought I would post an update. I had my first appointment with my therapist on August 11th and boy was I shocked! Well first off lets start at the beginning of that day...... I had spent the night with my boy Val and his fiance Emily and woke up to amazing company first off because god knows I was nauseated from the stress and nervousness of what would come. Well when I went outside to smoke rain was just pouring non-stop; which if you live in Oklahoma you know that we were in need of the rain but I thought how awesome is it that this is on MY day the verdict will be read........ so anyways
I get to the office and meet her secretary which seemed real cool and while waiting on the Doc I just filled out the general paperwork. (And mind you my heart is pounding and I'm a little shaky.) In this lady comes and she sat down and started to ask me A LOT of "probing" questions but she had a way of doing it that I felt comfortable. I noticed that I was soon explaining things that I had keep in for years and years and that I have never told anyone so that was awkward. Well anyways it all ended with her giving me three months and so that means November 11th will be my first shot.
So what I have been doing since then to prep....... I have ordered my first binder that will conceal my chest and I think it's pretty cool but it took me like twenty minutes to put it on, but hell its worth it. I also went and bought natural T as well as an anabolic steroid so I can get in shape before my first shot. Anyone who knows me knows that my emotions are totally whacked and I find myself on the extremes i.e. crying or fuming angry....... I think that the fact that my manager, as well as my "work" therapist left for vacay isn't helping but it's whatever. I have been trying to work out my anger and that has been working so far but again it's all or none and so I have been overdoing it and therefore I NOW realize I am not Superman.
WOMEN= I have came to a conclusion that they all suck. I mean like I fall into the category of being the friend but nothing more. I met this girl at work and she is pretty cool and accepts what I am going through but what scares me is that what if that is my chance to be happy? What if I never find a girl that accepts Me for Me. Well I guess only time will tell....... So recently a woman that I use to work with whom I had extremely strong feelings for came back in my life and it brought a bunch of old emotions up. I haven't heard from her in over two to three years and I don't know how to feel about it. I always thought deep down in my gut that she was the one for me and then one day she up and disappeared which really hurt me. I told her that I was going to have surgery in Texas soon and that maybe we could get together and she asked me what I was having it for..... I told her only that I was going to have a double mastectomy and she asked me if I was OK; like not sick......... Well if you are reading this you now know and I hope you will choose to remain in my life as a friend.............................................
That's all for now........
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